My Boyfriend & I Split Expenses 50/50 — Here’s How It Led To Our Breakup
Moving in with your significant other requires a lot of compromising. Between varying bills and chores like cooking dinner and cleaning the bathroom, some things are divided evenly, while others are covered wholly in exchange for another task. And after moving in with my college boyfriend right after graduation, we soon discovered splitting expenses 50/50 isn’t as straightforward as we thought it would be.
Our first apartment together was a studio in Queens, New York, halfway between each of our jobs. We split the $1,575/month rent evenly, despite my ex making nearly double what I did. I assumed that as an independent, stubborn woman, I would hold my own in the relationship and pay for half of everything. I chose a low-paying creative field, and that would be my lifestyle. But as the months wore on and other financial obligations arose, splitting expenses 50/50 started to encourage resentment.
My first job out of college paid $15 an hour, which only goes so far in New York City. After six months, I got a raise to $17 an hour — the benefits of which I saw none of since my student loans also kicked in after six months of employment. My yearly salary came out to $31,000 a year at first, then $35,000 a year, before taxes. Meanwhile, my engineer boyfriend was making $55,000* right out of college.
这是事情变得棘手的地方：学生贷款付款。我的贷款付款约为每月200美元。我的前任毕业有更多的学生债务，每月支付约700美元。在贷款开始之前，他表示我选择了一条低薪的职业道路（如果发生启示录，这将是没有用的；他的话，而不是我的话），而我的财务状况是英语专业的，这意味着我的支出会减少。钱。公平的是分配费用50/50，无论薪水如何。我同意了，尽管他做了几乎一半的工作，但我还是想坚持自己的关系。
但是随后，学生贷款改变了方程。我的前任现在的花钱少得多。他提出的保持付款公平的解决方案是让我介绍所有杂货。这样一来，每月杂货400美元，每月200美元的贷款几乎等于他每月700美元的贷款。
As a couple living together, we aimed to spend “our” money as a team. I agreed to pay for all of the groceries so that the total amount we each spent per month would be about the same, despite there still being a large gap between our salaries and the total amount leftover being different.
We broke down monthly expenses to be split evenly:
- Studio Rent – $1,575 = $787.50 each
- wifi - 60美元（他）
- 公用事业 - 30美元（他）
- 杂货 - $ 400（我）
- Student Loans – $200(me) and $700(him)
这引起了极大的不满，因为我认为将学生贷款支付在总支出中包括在内是不公平的，尤其是考虑到我所做的多少。我建议，我们应该衡量贡献薪水百分比，而不是根据贡献的金额来衡量财务的公平性。但这从未发生过。我几乎无法节省任何积蓄，我的前任说，他迅速增长的积蓄有一天会成为我们的理由。
After a year of living together, we each got new jobs. I was now making $45,000 and he was making ~$65,000*, and we continued to split all expenses. We started our second lease together, paying $2,300/month for a duplex in Brooklyn. It lasted three months before we broke it off. There were many reasons besides money that the relationship wasn’t working, but long term, disagreeing on finances would continue to cause problems.
We had very different financial philosophies on life.
他：一位基于逻辑的工程师，他的一个有趣周末的想法正在待在家里并节省金钱。
Me: A free-spirited creative who will impulsively walk into any independent bookstore or ice cream shop purely for enjoyment.
Not only did we have different day-to-day spending views, our medium and long-term money goals (how much to spend on vacations, the state with the best taxes for raising a family, how many kids to have) were vastly different as well.
在一个人比另一个人的关系大得多的关系中，我认为分裂费用均匀地公平。如果是室友的情况，那就可以了。共同建立财务未来，团队支出和储蓄将不是最终目标。虽然我确实喜欢拿着自己的账单并涵盖所有账单的感觉，但在我的伴侣覆盖他的情况下，在每个月底，我几乎没有剩下任何钱。另外，我不得不听他谈论他的最新投资。是的，进入低薪的职业领域是我的选择，但是通过这种逻辑，他决定去一所昂贵的私立大学并毕业，债务可观。
Every couple has to find what works for them. I’ve spoken with women who like to feel taken care of and date men who will cover all of their bills, and I’ve spoken with women who make more than their partners and are hesitant to merge finances. My own resentment with splitting living expenses 50/50 when there was a large income gap stemmed from knowing that there were other cracks in the relationship that, if widened, would cause us to break up and leave me with little savings to get back on my feet.
When we did finally break up, I was very thankful to have friends who let me and my cat crash on their couches while I saved up enough to put down a security deposit and one month’s rent on a place of my own. I now have an apartment of my own where the rent is certainly more than if I was splitting it with a significant other. But I no longer feel that I’m being taken advantage of for someone else’s financial gain.
*基于特定年度经验的纽约市的中位工程师薪水。这些数字不能反映个人的实际工资。
Juliet is a freelance writer and friendly neighborhood conspiracy theorist, tirelessly working to save the world from the impending Cowpocalypse and Doughpocalypse one blog post at a time. Read more of her writing atJulietTheNomad.com她在狂热的童年时期工作的地方工作，并假装是一名食品设计师。
图像通过Unsplash
Like this story? Follow The Financial Diet onFacebook,Instagram, and推特for daily tips and inspiration, and sign up for our email newsletter这里.
