我最大的个人不安全感实际上是如何帮助我的职业
I’ve written about it a few times now, but for those who don’t know, I recently moved in with my boyfriend (Peter) of a year and a half. Moving was the impetus for me to把我的狗屎放在一起, clutter and organization-wise, and so far it’s been really great. The new apartment has been a reset button for me in a lot of ways. I have yet to return to my innate throw-clothes-on-the-floor-and-forget-about-them-immediately self (granted, it’s been three weeks — there’s still time). I love not splitting my time between two homes, as it gives me a lot more time to spend on hobbies, like slowly baking my way through the summer section of my favoritepie recipe book
I’ve also loved getting todecorate someplace全新，尽管有小厨房，但我非常喜欢我们的公寓。它的光线很大 - 我从来没有在纽约生活状况中体验过的特权 - 并且有充足的壁橱空间，建筑物中的洗衣房以及足够的房间让我们感到舒适。而且，当然，很高兴能与我最喜欢的人有机地度过这么多时间。我们很幸运。
我喜欢公寓，除了一件事：位置。我们住在地狱厨房，又名中城区。如果您对纽约市的景观只有最少的了解，我只会说，对于时代广场的恐怖厂来说，它太近了，无法安慰。我以前在曼哈顿上层的社区更加安静得多。但是由于彼得的租赁规定，他在租赁租赁之前就无法搬出建筑物，而没有支付大量钱，但是我们可以从他以前的工作室升级到一间卧室。当租约升起时，我们肯定会搬到城镇的另一部分。
Sometimes, I find myself complaining about the area we live in — it’s too crowded, too noisy, too far from the train. The grocery stores are too expensive, and we’re paying too much in rent. But I have to stop myself right away, because complaining about something that is so obviously a privilege makes me feel like kind of an asshole. The truth is, I would absolutely never be able to afford to live in this area without living with a partner with a lot more spending power, unless I somehow landed amongst too many roommates in one of New York’s notorious半私人4卧室转换.
It’s something that I’ve previously called “relationship privilege，”我仍然认为这绝对是一回事。It’s not that my life is less expensive by living with Peter (in reality, it’s a little more expensive now that I’m no longer splitting utilities with two roommates), but I have so many more options within the range of “affordable” than I would without him. And that’s not something that is reserved for relationships where one partner is a relatively high earner. As a single person, I had to live with roommates (who I thankfully loved) in order to make this city affordable for me. But say Peter was only making the same amount of money as me; we would still be able to afford a one bedroom, albeit in a different part of town. That being said, the amount Peter and I each pay towards our rent is proportionate to our incomes. And because hedoesmake a significant amount more than I do, the options we have access to are pretty wide.
有时我对现在所做的生活感到非常不安全，因为我绝对没有做任何事情来赚钱。我什至不确定这种不安全感是impostor syndrome, because falling in love is not an accomplishment — it’s luck and timing and the personal desire to be in a relationship in the first place. Even though I do want to be spending a little less money, to move to a more affordable part of town when the lease term is up next year andlower our living expenses, the fact that we’re able to downsize in the first place is an enormous privilege. Being insecure about the fact that I earn less, or worse, feeling guilty that I can’t contribute more to rent, is not productive for anyone.
This is, of course, not an uncommon situation. A lot of straight women like me earn less than their partners, especially when they’ve chosen to be writers and their partners have chosen a heavily-sought-after STEM career. And I see a lot of them cope with it by focusing on what they bring to the table — usually, domestic things. They may earn less, but they cook and clean and bring a lot to the household. They often manage the money, even if they’re not the one making most of it.
I mean no offense to the people in those positions, but I don’t think I should be responsible for all of our domestic tasks simply because I am the lower earner. For one thing, it would be chaos; the bed would never be made, the floor never vacuumed. Bless Peter’s chore-happy little heart, because I am much lazier with that stuff than he is. I have no idea what I’d do if he didn’t also like cooking, but I for one wouldn’t be responsible for dinner every single night. And I understand where that compulsion to contribute in some (perhaps non-monetary) way comes from, because yes, it can be disheartening to be in a position where you’re earning less money and putting in the same hours, if not more. But I think the idea that you are either the breadwinner或者you take care of running the household is outdated, and something I am wholly uninterested in.
相反，我要做的是利用那些不安全感的感觉来推动我赚更多的渴望，而不是为了牺牲我的个人生活。看着我靠近我的人 - 像彼得一样 - 每天上班并同时回家，能够完全防止工作入侵他们的个人时间（除了一些罕见的例外），坦率地说，我有点嫉妒，and often insecure that I’m not able to make a similar amount of money in the same hours. A huge perk of freelancing is that I get to make my own schedule, but that also means I sometimes end up working比我想要的更多的时间. It’s hard to “turn it off”并且不再继续考虑工作的时间，而您打算在您的时间直接链接到您可以赚多少钱的时候就睡着了。值得庆幸的是，我的每周TFD时间是安排的，完全可以管理，但是我如何分配时间来做其他所有事情（目前包括为少数客户的文案写作和编辑项目）取决于我。
Being insecure about earning less than my partner, and therefore not contributing an equal amount to rent, could lead me down a path of overworking myself so much that I have no time left over to enjoy the hypothetically-greater amount of money I’d be making. Instead, I challenge myself to try earning more while working the same number of hours as someone with a regular full-time job. I don’t go to extremes like timing myself, or “clocking” in and out at the exact same time every day. And yes, writing (and editing) takes time, and sometimes I get extra momentum and end up working on something well into the evening. However, I do give myself permission to assign more value to my time. I ask for more for a project upfront. I’ll say no to projects I know won’t be worth my time in the end. I’ll sometimes insist on a longer turnaround, when in the past I would have said “yes” to anyone, even a new client asking for a 2,000 word blog post within 24 hours.
我并没有欺骗自己，以为我可以在今年年底，甚至在可预见的将来的任何时候都做得像彼得一样。但是，我越能赚钱并留出储蓄，我就越觉得自己为我们的生活做出了贡献。即使我们作为平等伙伴做出决定（例如我们的生活状况），但要知道我朝着贡献更平等的货币筹款的道路上，这是激励的，而又不牺牲我所有的清醒生活来工作。
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